I haven't written in awhile. I have been super busy planning, getting ready for and having a beautiful vow renewal with my husband. We have been through sooooo much together so it was much needed and absolutely wonderful. I truly wouldn't want to have anyone else by my side as my best friend and husband for the rest of our lives.
My brother in law recorded and made a beautiful video of our renwal. I cried tears of joy as I watched it but I'll admit a tear or two was also sad...why you ask? Because I looked HUGE!!!! I truly didn't think I was THAT big!!! I guess I always see myself straight on when I look in the mirror & can see that I need to lose weight but seeing myself look that big in the video is a MAJOR eye opener. Its very depressing actually.
After 3 weeks, I have lost a total of 12 pounds. For that, I am happy & proud but I have SOOOOO far to go. Maybe that is why I always give up? Lose a pound here, 2 pounds here...I need to lose 64 more pounds! That in and of itself is intimidating but then seeing my body with that extra weight made it that much more real. I know that I need to not focus on the big picture, make small goals, take it one day at a time, ect. I just feel frustrated and upset.
I have never wanted so badly to be pregnant while at the same time not expecting but looking pregnant. It's painful, very painful. I want nothing more than for my belly to look this way because I have a beautiful miracle growing inside of me...not because I am fat.
Ok sob story over...
It's time to dry my tears and keep working at this! I deserve to look better, to feel better and to get healthy! Giving up is not an option! I have no choice but to fight and trust me I will!!!